It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
