next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
