I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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