whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
