2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Enjoy the penises
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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