no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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