During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I think a kid would responsible me up
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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