He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
