The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
