How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
