me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
