I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
