I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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