i don't really know how much tequila is too much
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
