Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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