So drunk its hurt
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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