never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
