We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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