who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
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Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
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You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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