Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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