So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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