we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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