my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
