Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
My ATM looks so different sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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