There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
