I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
