i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
