Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
