I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Naked Twister starts at high noon
being pregnant is like rehab
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
