Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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