This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
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I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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