just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
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