just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
