Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
if only i could text you this smell
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
