what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
