some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I take back everything I said about communal showers
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
