I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
