Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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