she sounds like chewbacca in bed
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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