as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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