If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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