Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
