Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
