ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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