I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
