I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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