when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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