you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize