the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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