im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
