i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Randomize