Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
