im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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