i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
