Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Randomize
