i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
this boner is exhausting
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
