I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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