he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
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