Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
