Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
