its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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