You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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