I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
