man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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