Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
