I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
