Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
