I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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